I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
