no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
