if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Drake has all the answers
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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