official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
