I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
