Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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