hotel room ftw
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
