I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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