Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
