I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
