Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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