I just saw a hot homeless man
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
