We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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