don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
