How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
