She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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