I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
