Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
