I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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