so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
