I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
