sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
