She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
