Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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