Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
