spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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