I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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