cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
