I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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