I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
