i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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