you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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