I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize