I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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