like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
