Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
