God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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