Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
