A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
