omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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