two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize