I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
