I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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