oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
