dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
