I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
