my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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