Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
