i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
