I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
