matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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