She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
They are going to name an STD after you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
