all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
