I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
