You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
