i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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