i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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