From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
