I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I could fuck to npr.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
