You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
