So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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