and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
