I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
