I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
