doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
