There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
