I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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