the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm too high and old for this...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
