Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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