1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
