i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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