it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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