Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
