haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
