He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
