Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
