Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He shit in the fireplace
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
