I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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