I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
