You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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