i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
