whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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