I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
