i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
