Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
