How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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