Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
