Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
