moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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