Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
