I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
