what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You need a sexual gate keeper
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
