Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
