OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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