I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
