Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize