Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am available for nakedness
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
