i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
