I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it glows. i had to have it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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